Keep a Poem in your Pocket: Marty McConnell

“because this is what you do. get up.
blame the liquor for the heaviness. call in late
to work. go to the couch because the bed
is too empty. watch people scream about love
on Jerry Springer. count the ways
it could be worse. it could be last week
when the missing got so big
you wrote him a letter
and sent it. it could be yesterday, no work
to go to, whole day looming.
it could be last month
or the month before, when you still
thought maybe. still carried plans
around with you like talismans.
you could have kissed him last night.
could have gone home with him, given in,
cried after, softly, face to the wall, his heavy arm
around you, hand on your stomach, rubbing.
shower. remember your body. water
hotter than you can stand. sit
on the shower floor. the word
devastated ringing the tub. buildings
collapsed into themselves. ribs
caving toward the spine. recite
the strongest poem you know. a spell
against the lonely that gets you
in crowds and on three hours’ sleep.
wonder where the gods are now.
get up. because death is not
an alternative. because this is what you do.
air like soup, move. door, hallway, room.
pants, socks, shoes. sweater. coat. cold.
wish you were a bird. remember you
are not you, now. you are you
a year from now. how does that
woman walk? she is not sick or sad.
doesn’t even remember today.
has been to Europe. what song
is she humming? now. right now.
that’s it.”

—	“Survival poem #17,” Marty McConnell (via tumblr)

Sleep Don't Come Easy

These last couple of day here in NY have been mind numbingly hot! All I've been able to do is sit in bed, read, and sweat. I finished two of the books on that list, and since I'm trying to make the list last the summer I'm now re-reading Harry Potter #5.

Today was nice(I didn't sweat at all! WOOT!) and I got some stuff done for my hair. Did I mention that I turned my tumblr blog into a natural hair blog....no? Well check it out here! I'm getting into the habit of making things for my hair instead of buying them. I might have a mini business by the end of the summer.

Now about that portfolio I need to be doing. I'm ashamed to say I haven't worked on it since last Sunday when I went to Dumbo BK(view pictures in last post). I'm confined to my house because right now I literally can't afford to go anywhere, and I find it very hard to get inspired to do anything art wise at home. My home isn't inspiring. Ah well I know my success lies in my hands and that feels good to say! If I don't succeed it will only be my fault.

This turned out to be a rambling post. This is what happens when your clock gets turned around because of the humidity. Sleep deprivation at its lowest.

A Change is Gonna Come

Hello Friends,

I have been very busy with school, but mostly I've been trying to listen to the little voice in my head. I'm not a very happy girl right now. Here's whats been going on. I dropped my photo 1 class. Not because I don't need the skills that were being taught, not because I didn't like the teacher, but because I didn't like the class. I didn't like that every week I HAD to go out and do some assignment, and I HAD to do it a certain way.

I've also been feeling like when it comes to my photographic skills(or lack thereof), I've been taken advantage of. Its good to have experience, its good to work hard to create a name for yourself. It sucks when your asked to do work that you don't believe in. For FREE. No one has ever asked me what I like to photography. It's always, "Oh, you like taking picture? Come and do this for me, and I'll give you 'credit'." Everybody whats me to do them a favors, but nobody whats to pay me for it, that's the kind of "credit" I want! The way this economy is going I CAN'T afford to do anything for free.

Then there are the people that say they are going to pay you, and give me credit. The problem arises when I've helped them better themselves and am now sitting with my palms stretched out waiting for them to feel its the right time to give me what's owed, what I've worked for. I'm tired of that. I won't play the ignoramus any more.

A change has come. I no longer feel the need to prove my skills to anyone. I no longer feel the need to be called a photographer. This summer I will NOT be doing anything for photographic wise for anyone. When I started doing photography I did it for me. Now its time to get back to that!!

Self Portraits

This isn't who I really am. The emotions on my face aren't the ones' that I'm feeling. This makes me wonder if the people who I've photographed have been as dishonest with me as I can be with myself.

Life and Art

I can't figure out how these photo could be posed. They Have to be real. Documents of real people, living there life. Living in the trees by day and sleeping in the dirt by night. Moving from place to place, these are the hunter-gatherers of our time.....

The Traveler

I took this back in July. He seems like he's on a mission, no? I took a couple of images of him and he didn't mind at all. He was the perfect stranger.

CBanks

"..the blacker the berry the sweeter the juice.."

I've known a couple of Christophers in my time.

Each one is a bit different from the other.

Though we never call them Christopher we call them Chris.

This one...well he's funny.

Very funny.

Like he'll piss you off but how could you not forgive him, he'll have you laughing until you pee yourself.

He's very funny.

Like if you make fun of him you better be ready to get tongue lash something fierce.

Some how he'll still make you laugh while he's cutting your ass!

I would know.

Though I'm not a sports fan. I can go on his blog and learn something, so I sound like a fan in front of the male species! And to continue to surround myself with creative and intelligent people he's on my list. The boy can hold a good conversation.

Mila Jovovich

I have always loved Mila Jovovich. Since I saw her in The Fifth Element. I love her even more now because it takes a brave women to take of her clothes and be photographed and then have them judged no matter what body type you are.

A quote I found....

"the heart asks pleasure first and then, excuse from pain- and then, those
little anodynes that deaden suffering"

-e. dickinson

3:45am

you know when your tired but can't sleep. when you want to talk to someone, no that someone, but you haven't heard from them in days and your not going to be the first one to make the first move. you know when you hungry but don't want to eat the little bit of food you actually do have in your house, in because you don't know when you'll have this much food again. you know. you know.


so do you know?

Homeless Man on the 4 train(5/13)

The train started to get crowded, seats filled up fast but the one next to him remained empty. And then she sat down next to him as him. They caught each others eye and she smiled at him. He got off at the next stop, but not before looking back at her and smiling. She’d probably been the only one to smile in his direction in a while. The only person to treat him like he was a person and not just a Homeless Man.

She made my day too! :-)

Pussy.

Yesterday.

I'm starting to understand what it means to feel inspired. Really it only takes one person to believe in you to get back on track. Thank You Louis Mendes.

Wow. So amazing!

I wonder if the boys that are in the video above knew that they would one day end up in a music video for Missy Elliot. Do what you love!!!!!

And Life Goes On.....

...................

me.


questions.


feelings.


misunderstood.


uncreative.


sad.

angry.


lonely.


happy.


guilty.


frustrated.


but through all this I still feel a little hopeful.


i'm thinking about doing film photography


i'm finding hard to create.....

the type of photo's I want with my digital camera


film photo's fit my mood more......................

And Life Goes On.......

Dealing With Loss

is hard.
October 1st I found out a girl I worked with was murdered.
Saying that she was murdered still feels like somethings punching me in my stomach. She was such a good kid. She was only a kid.
I've seen and dealt with lost before but this hurts like nothing I've ever felt. I think its because she was only 16 and I had just saw her a couple of days before....
I was Very disappointed in my "friends"....I felt like when I needed them the most of lot of people were no where to be found. I haven't picked up my camera in a week(which feels like forever too me) I just haven't felt like it. No worries though I'll bounce back...I feel like I am all ready!

9/11

Do you remember where you were when the towers fell?
Do you remember how people changed the way they treated other people?
It terrible that it took something so terrible to make people think about there actions.

My sympathy goes out to all that has lost someone on 9/11.


Peace.

Another Sunday.

Hello all

So the photo below would be my second tattoo.

It says Remember Love in Arabic.

I chose these words so that I never forget that there is love is this world.

Even if I don't always feel or see it...

its out there....hiding but waiting to be found....

I got this work of art done at a place called third eye tattoo...

Brain Wren was my tattoo artist

He's good people check him out here.

Mood: thoughtful...

Somethings I've had on my heart.

• I really don't know how to explain the thoughts and feelings I've been feeling over the summer. I've been SO confused about certain people and certain situation, all the while searching for peace of mind within myself.....
• I realized this weekend that I have to live for me. For so long I out others before myself to make them happy and then was upset when they didn't do the same for me.
• Its come to my attention just how hard it is for the black women. Through watching the things my moms has to go through and the things I see and go through myself.
• When your being asked to sacrifice, look first at what there sacrificing for you. Then ask your self how much Can you sacrifice for this person. Because some peopl just aren't worth it!