Thoughtful

So what’s been going on?

I’m going through a very tuff time right now
It seems like I can only stay happy for a couple of hours before I remember all the shit that’s keeping me down. For one thing I would love to be in school right now but because of my mother I can’t be. A friend of mine asked me wasn’t I relieved to have some time off, to which I answered her Hell no! If the decision had been mine to not go back to school for a semester then fine, but I can’t go back because of something my mother didn’t do makes me highly upset!! I look around at all the people in my life and I feel like a failure….either they have some kind of degree already or there in school and all I’m doing is sitting on my ass. In September I will be out of one of my jobs. Until I find a new one I’m going be taking as many photo’s as possible! Photography has always been my way of cooping with my depression.

Random photo's I found in my computer just when I was thinking about giving up the one thing I love. Seriously photography is one of the best things I can do. Moving on. I found a new book that I love thanks to my friend Here (insert note: I find it funny that I call this girl my friend when we've never meet face to face....we've never even talked on that phone we've only comunicated via the computer.....aww the internet lol :end note)

Any way check out here blogger.

Ohh and the book. Its called The Alchemist. Read it!!!!

Sunday.

Today.
All I wanted to do was relax.
Its Sunday.
I was gonna rest and eat and rest some more.

That was until my mother decided to call me a piece of shit.
Now I'm sitting here in tears wondering what do I do...
If I think about it..she has called me worse
And I would ignore her...but this comment hurt...
........because it came from my mother.

Music=Life

I don't think Theophilus London is that new. I wish I had taken those photo's there sexy!! =) Check him out here and he's also going to be performing at the Sept. 2008 Goldmine Fasion Show (the event I was the photographer for there March show)

Click here for the fashion show info. I'm going this year too!

Mood: thoughtful...

Somethings I've had on my heart.

• I really don't know how to explain the thoughts and feelings I've been feeling over the summer. I've been SO confused about certain people and certain situation, all the while searching for peace of mind within myself.....
• I realized this weekend that I have to live for me. For so long I out others before myself to make them happy and then was upset when they didn't do the same for me.
• Its come to my attention just how hard it is for the black women. Through watching the things my moms has to go through and the things I see and go through myself.
• When your being asked to sacrifice, look first at what there sacrificing for you. Then ask your self how much Can you sacrifice for this person. Because some peopl just aren't worth it!

Soul Music

"Ready For Love"

I am ready for love

Why are you hiding from me

I'd quickly give my freedom

To be held in your captivity

I am ready for love

All of the joy and the pain

And all the time that it takes

Just to stay in your good grace

Lately I've been thinking

Maybe you're not ready for me

Maybe you think I need to learn maturity

They say watch what you ask for

Cause you might receive

But if you ask me tomorrow I'll say the same thing

I am ready for love

Would you please lend me your ear?

I promise I won't complain I just need you to acknowledge I am here

If you give me half a chance

I'll prove this to you

I will be patient, kind, faithful and true

To a man who loves music

A man who loves art

Respect's the spirit world

And thinks with his heart

I am ready for love

If you'll take me in your hands

I will learn what you teach

And do the best that I can

I am ready for love

Here with an offering of

My voice

My Eyes

My soul

My mind

Tell me what is enough

To prove I am ready for love

I am ready

I love this song it most defiantly shows how I've been feeling. I don't know when I became a fan of India Arie but her music has a way of penetrating your soul! At times her songs can bring you to tears, other times you can find the words you were looking for to describe your feelings.

I hope this doesn't become the story of my life

Through my life I've had a lot of boys (that like to call themselves men but that's another post) that were almost my boyfriend. Now I'm only 20 and I'm very bad when it comes to relationships(though I long to be in one, I'm never really comfortable when I'm in them) my mother says my communication skills are shitty I just think she doesn't listen(again another post). Its true what they say when your Not looking for love is when It finds you....or lake thereof. I was happily single sometime ago when I started talking to this "man". I call him a man because of his age(25) but the way he acted got him those " ". Now right away I told him I wasn't looking to be in a relationship, there stressful in my opinion, and we agreed to keep things light. People, aka bitches, didn't want us together anyways(I should have said fuck it when I realized then).

Now why did he ask me a couple of weeks later to be his girl??? Of course my answer was no. His reply to that was "fine I'm willing to wait around for what I want" Me "and what do you want" Him "a relationship...I like how I feel when I'm with you" Me "ummm" I mean I did like being in his company to. Sometime after this convo people started telling me to my face that they didn't want us together...I couldn't figure out why though...then one day he says its because of my mother.WTF! I should have realized then because this was his people saying this BS. But I didn't so I shouldn't have been surprised when he started acting stupid.

When I didn't pick up my phone right away he would whine. When I was to tired to hang out with him until 3am he would bitch. I should have left him alone then but now I wanted to be in a relationship with him. For some odd reason I thought I needed him. And I told him so, I also told him I felt he was being a jerk for bitching and moaning when I couldn't be with him every night until 3am, he agreed and we said we would give "us" a try. Then two days later he's saying it wont work but we can still be "friends" though. Little did I know that us being friends(In his mind) meant he was still allowed to put his head up my shirt and in between my legs anytime he wanted.

And I let him.......but the pleasure was temporary. He continued being a ass and I said Fuck it. I see now that he just wasn't good for me but it wasn't he is fault I let him treat me the way he did. He should me many times who he was, I didn't like what I saw but stayed with him anyway

There's this saying saying me Maya Angelou it goes something like "If someone shows you there true colors, believe them" Lesson learned.

Hellz Bellz

So you fashion crazy girls will know about Hellz Bellz. But did you know they had a sample sale in Soho this weekend and more importantly did you go? I did! And I can't wait for more cooler weather to were my new merchandise!! Pictures of what I bought below!

Jealous Much =p

Note: 1.Top two photo's by me the others I found by searching the Internet.

2. I also got this shirt!

Working in photoshop with old pictures!