2012 in Review

This year....I was full. That's the best way I can describe everything that I felt. I felt things deeper then usual this year, but was able to still think, and focus, and maintain my sanity(for the most part). Which honestly is something that I've struggled with. Feeling things deeply has always left me feeling unhinged.

 

As this year comes to an end I feel quite nervous. There are so many things that I HAVE to accomplish this year. I'm going to do what I always do when trying to keep myself on task and make daily list. But to keep track of the little things I'm going to do a little "jar project" that I found online.

 

Instead of waiting until the end of the year, I plan on reading through the little notes 3 times. At the end of April, August, and December(nye). I'm really excited about this new project because I overlook all of the great things that happen to me all the time. I hope to use this project to continuously remind myself that:

 

"A Single Sunbeam Is Enough To Drive Away Many Shadows "- St. Francis of Assisi

Keep a Poem in your Pocket: Marty McConnell

“because this is what you do. get up.
blame the liquor for the heaviness. call in late
to work. go to the couch because the bed
is too empty. watch people scream about love
on Jerry Springer. count the ways
it could be worse. it could be last week
when the missing got so big
you wrote him a letter
and sent it. it could be yesterday, no work
to go to, whole day looming.
it could be last month
or the month before, when you still
thought maybe. still carried plans
around with you like talismans.
you could have kissed him last night.
could have gone home with him, given in,
cried after, softly, face to the wall, his heavy arm
around you, hand on your stomach, rubbing.
shower. remember your body. water
hotter than you can stand. sit
on the shower floor. the word
devastated ringing the tub. buildings
collapsed into themselves. ribs
caving toward the spine. recite
the strongest poem you know. a spell
against the lonely that gets you
in crowds and on three hours’ sleep.
wonder where the gods are now.
get up. because death is not
an alternative. because this is what you do.
air like soup, move. door, hallway, room.
pants, socks, shoes. sweater. coat. cold.
wish you were a bird. remember you
are not you, now. you are you
a year from now. how does that
woman walk? she is not sick or sad.
doesn’t even remember today.
has been to Europe. what song
is she humming? now. right now.
that’s it.”

—	“Survival poem #17,” Marty McConnell (via tumblr)

Sunday Morning Music: Allen Stone

Finding Home #3: Borrowed + Found

My "home" right now is in a blocked off part of somebodies living room. I have made it beautiful with borrowed and found pieces of furniture. I have made a small coffee table by covering a plastic bin with cloth and placing the top part of a broken wooden door on top. On that table there is a terrarium I made myself, along side a cacti plant. There are vases with dried flowers in them, and glass jars filled with a water to hold floating tea lights. Behind that are my clothes, hung on a clothing rack. To the right is a big mirror on top of a trunk that my mom passed on to me. In front of the mirror are two small statues that I love so much, Buddha and Ganesha. Continuing to the right of the room there's a small cabinet that holds my folded clothes. Then there's me on a couch. From that couch I stare out two windows that face a building.

 

This is my home...and when its quiet, with just me in it, it is safe.....safe as kittens.

Keep a Poem in Your Pocket #2

That moment when you read something and it resonates so deeply inside of you that it warms you to your core..

 

“We can stick anything into the fog
and make it look like a ghost
but tonight
let us not become tragedies.
We are not funeral homes
with propane tanks in our windows,
lookin’ like cemeteries.
Cemeteries are just the Earth’s way of not letting go.
Let go.

Tonight
let’s turn our silly wrists so far backwards
the razor blades in our pencil tips
can’t get a good angle on all that beauty inside.
Step into this
with your airplane parts.
Move forward
and repeat after me with your heart:

“I no longer need you to fuck me as hard as I hated myself.”

Make love to me
like you know I am better
than the worst thing I ever did.
Go slow.
I’m new to this.
But I have seen nearly every city from a rooftop
without jumping.
I have realized

that the moon
did not have to be full for us to love it,
that we are not tragedies
stranded here beneath it,
that if my heart
really broke
every time I fell from love
I’d be able to offer you confetti by now.

But hearts don’t break,
y’all,
they bruise and get better.
We were never tragedies.
We were emergencies.
You call 9 – 1 – 1.
Tell them I’m having a fantastic time.

”

—	“We Were Emergencies,” Buddy Wakefield (via tumblr)

Keep a Poem in Your Pocket

I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul....

I find myself saying those words in my head over and over again.

I can get trapped in my head thinking I can't change anything about my circumstances.

But really that's the farthest thing from the truth.

It is true that I can't change people, but I have total control over ME.

I have total control over my environment.

I have total control over how I think, how I feel, and how I let people make me feel.

If there's something I don't like then its up to me to make/be the change to something better.

 

Invictus

 

"Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul."

Sunday Morning Music: Mumford & Sons

I was first captured by how expressive this mans face is, and yes how got damn handsome he is! I kept watching to see how....happy he seemed to feel. The sense of touch is a powerful thing.

A Giveaway with L'atelier de la Petite Dame!

I tend to have a love/hate relationship with the holidays. It all stems back to one lonely holiday as a child, when I didn't receive any presents for Christmas/my birthday, I'm sure of it. As an adult I've tried to look at the holidays differently(because adults don't get presents anyway). There are some good things about the holidays, like the music and the window displays in department stores.

 

So in preparation of the Holiday Pop-up shop I wanted to offer a giveaway! In hopes that I can spread some holiday cheer. Drum roll please!

I'm offering this wooden bracelet to one of my followers. This is actually the first bracelet I ever created!

The rules of this give away are simple: You must be like L'atelier de la Petite Dame Facebook's page and comment on this post telling me your favorite, or least favorite(for my fellow Grinch's) thing about the holidays. The winner will be selected on November 21st. Please include your email addy at the end of your comment so that I can contact you! This contest is open to resident of USA only.

Photo by this guy.

We Are Not In Control..

That's what I learned from hurricane Sandy. My mother and younger brother had barely been in there apt for a full month. They had moved to Far Rockaway. I was so happy/excited for them, and I couldn't wait to visit them and watch the sun set over the beach!

And then came Sandy. They where actually in the apt about to fall asleep when the water came rushing in. They grabbed what they could and ran up to the neighbors on the second floor. A father with an 18 month old little girl. As the day/night went on the had to walk through waist high water to the third floor before the where evacuated. They were put into a school with hundreds of other people who had lost everything.

With everything that going on I'm having some trouble trying to figure out how when I'll be able to open my Pop-up shop for L'atelier de la Petite Dame. Trying to think or worry on it seems silly. Some people have real problems. Some people lost everything but there lives....and some don't even have that any more. The only thing that we can do is plan for the best, and the worst, then roll with what ever nature throws at you.

Finding Home # 2: Safe and Sound

I finished my last post with a question. "What does "home" mean to you?"

Home is being free

to be nude

to be happy

to be sad

to be angry.

Home is knowing you'll be able to sleep with out fear or interuption.

Home is that feeling that you get when you walk through your front door.

Home is knowing your safe

to be yourself,

to feel whatever it is you were putting off feeling when you weren't home.

Home is....wide and tall, and small and cozy.

This is what home means to me.

L'atelier de la Petite Dame: Up Coming Events!

Hello all!

 

There are a couple of events that I'll be attending.

 

The 38TH Annual Atlantic Antic street festival on Sunday September 30th. The Atlantic Antic is a living tribute to the myriad of heritages that coexist in Brooklyn. Spanning four neighborhoods from Hicks Street to Fourth Avenue, the Antic is the largest street festival in New York City! From start to finish, Atlantic Avenue is transformed into a sea of entertainment offering something for everyone. I'll be at the Biddies and Blokes Second Hand Garb Booth (located between Bond and Nevins street)!

 

On Saturday October 6th, I'll be heading to Philly for the American Dreaming Pop-up Mall.

I'm so excited. I have some new product that I'll be unveiling at these events so come on out and show your support!!

 

A la prochaine!

New Project: Finding Home

"Home is a feeling, not a place."

 

    Have you ever met a world traveler? Someone whose travelled there whole life? Someone who feels like the road is home? Did you ever notice that they never seem out of place? How they seem to be able to set up camp anywhere, and be perfectly settled and at home.

 

   Do you know anyone who lives on there bare necessities/ How many times have you thought they where crazy? Or that maybe its okay for them, but you could never do it? Have you ever noticed how much happier they seem from everyone else you know....from you?

 

I've never felt that safe feeling that comes with being at home. Most times I'll be at out and counting the minutes until I can get home. But once I get there all I want to do is run back out the door. I can never figure out why I wanted to be in this place, or why it's called home. It could actually be anywhere. It's like...I'm always tittering on the edge of belonging.

 

"Home is a feeling, not a place."

 

This is my quest to find that feeling called home.

Something to think about...

If you didn't know what failure was what would you do? 

How many times have you really wanted to do something, but backed out at the last minute due to fear that you wouldn't be any good at it? That you would probably fuck up, and everybody would know that you failed? I do this. I do it more often then I'd like to. Fear of failure is a self imposed tool to make you fail. No one is going to say you failed because you tried. And think of all the new things you could learn by taking a chance.

I'm taking a chance. I want to live my dream. I want to give back. I want to wake up every morning and be excited about the things I do. I want to find my joy, I want to find my freedom. I can't do any of these things carrying around a whole mess of self doubt. Neither can you.

Words to Live By

"If you don't build your dream, someone will hire you to build theirs"

Every time I'm thinking about giving up because it seems so hard. Every time I think I'm to tired, too un-skilled...etc etc etc. I think of these words, and they always put things into perspective for me.

L'atelier de la Petite Dame(The Little Lady Workshop)

At the beginning of the summer I started playing with the idea of starting a jewelry business. It soon became clear to me that this was something that I really wanted to do. I started working on creating different designs and set a date for when I would launch the website.

The main goal I had in seeing my dream come to fruition was getting the website up. But unlike my previous projects I didn't do any press related stuff. I felt like if I just got the website up success would just come. I was wrong. Unfortunately I had to take the website down after only one month. I have the tendency to start a project and boast about it, then not finish what I started. I think apart of my not doing any press/marketing stuff was that if I didn't succeed I didn't want anyone to know.

What's very important for me to say here is that I don't consider this a failure. Its a lesson that I had to learn, and I'm glad I learned it early on. Really I had no clue what I should have been doing(beside the stuff that I could have, but wasn't doing...) I had no idea how much of my time and money had to go into this for it to truly be successful. Success in this instances to me means having this business sustain itself and one day help me in quiting one of my many jobs(lol)!

I'm much more  aware now! For more daily updates about L'atelier head on over to the Facebook page.

Noche de Lluvia, San Salvador

Rain who nails the earth,
whose infinite legs
nail the earth, whose silver faces
touch my faces, I marry you. & open all the windows of my house
to hear your feral versions of si sisi
          si
                  si
        si

Sunday Morning Music: Bon Iver

Twelve Things You Were Not Taught in School About Creative Thinking

1. You are (by default) creative.
2. Creative thinking takes work.
3. You must go through the motions of being creative.
4. Your brain is not a computer.
5. There is no one right answer.
6. Never stop with your first good idea.
7. Expect the experts to be negative.
8. Trust your instincts.
9. There is no such thing as failure.
10. You do not see things as they are; you see them as you are.
11. Always approach a problem on its own terms.
12. Learn to think unconventionally.

Found.

A la prochaine!

Take me away..

I've found myself back here on the last day of the month in the new year. In this moment I am so hopeful about the possiblitys of this year(and the rest of my life). I started the new year with one resolution: to learn to swim and travel to the Maldives after watching this:

Maldives: a video diary from Billabong Girls on Vimeo.

But as always with me I'll find new things to do every month, week, day, or moment I'll to improve on the good that's already within me.Welcome 2012.

A la prrochaine!

Today's Lesson

"The artist's job is not to succumb to despair, but to find an antidote for the emptiness of existence.."

From Midnight in Paris