Sunday Morning Music: Rhye

Homelessness Defined

"Why were you homeless?"
"It just got to a point where my mom couldn't maintain anymore. The sad part was that it was during high school. So I had to keep it a secret. Cause, you know, it's high school."

 

I was photographed by the photographer that runs Humans of New York a couple of day ago. It all happened very randomly, I was waking down the street and this very tall man asked to take my photo. After asking me a couple of questions we parted ways. After the photo appeared on FB It got me thinking about what homelessness meant to me..

 

This is my definition of homeless. Homeless doesn't always mean a person is living on the street, but that defiantly the outcome sometimes. Fact: when I was homeless as a teen it only meant that I was living in a temp apt. Rent couldn't be paid so we went to a shelter that placed us there. But that was because I was with my mom and brother...family's get better services, and they get them much faster. 

But back to my defining homeless. Homelessness is like spending Christmas or your bday alone...homelessness means your unloved. Homelessness is the most intense form of loneliness that exist. It makes you feel other, for it is the dirtiest secret you will ever have. It is also the most painful one to carry around. 

Recently I was having a lovely chat with my therapist. We were talking about the me today...and he said with 1part interest and 2 parts amusement "it seems like because of being homeless as a child...you will probably be homeless a couple of times as an a adult" 

If that isn't other then I don't know what is...

Sunday Morning Music: Jamale Davis Group Featuring Johnny Oneil

 

My friend performed at Smalls Jazz Club a couple of nights ago. I wasn't able to go make it, but I did get to watch the show online. Smalls shows a live stream of there shows, so I was happy to be there in spirit.

A Message From An Introvert

A couple of summers ago I wrote a piece that I name something like "how to survive summer concerts in the park...the introverts way". It was a very silly piece I wrote on how I survive going to concerts alone. It was also the first time I had identified as an introvert. But though I had, I still didn't know what that meant besides being around large groups of people drained me.

Today I still don't feel like an expert in the matter, but I have more concrete thoughts on the matter. I admit I'm still developing the positive side of this whole thing at those times I view my introverts as thinkers, as dreamers, as quiet doers.

At negative times I feel like I'm destined to always have to pretend to be "happy". (I put happiness in quotes b/c I think it is subjective, and people show there happiness in different ways.) As an introvert though I always feel like I have to defend myself against extroverts. Extroverts wear there happiness right up front and always tend to be...put off by my "quiet joy". I've been told that I'm "bringing moral down"or that I'm boring when I'm not whooping it up in the middle of a party. When the actual truth is that I'm quiet b/c I don't have anything of importance to say at that moment. The truth is sometimes I DO like to whoop it up, but sometimes I like to be on the out skirts of the party observing it.

Times like these hurt, bad. They send confusing messages to my brain and heart. In my head I know there's nothing wrong with me, but in my heart at those negative times, I feel like I've done something wrong simply for being myself. My heart tends to win out over my head a lot so I wind up putting in extra effort so that people can see and hopefully believe that I am happy for once. This pretending is something I spent a lot of time doing in HS. It leaves me feeling more and more empty and drained every time I do it. I feel like I'm lying to people I care about. And what's worst I feel like they could careless. What they see is that I'm "happy", I'm the social butterfly that they love. They don't try to see beyond that.

So here's my message to Extroverts: Always remember, there are different ways of being social and showing happiness.

I'll leave you, for now, with a quote from Susan Cain: "In my family reading was the primary group activity. This might sound anti-social to you, but to us it was just a different way of being social. You have the animal warmth of your family sitting right next to you, but your also free to go roaming around the adventure land inside your own mind."

My Thoughts on Sharing

I tend to hate sharing my feeling with people. I tend to not reach out to people in times of need.... It tends to make me very uncomfortable when I share something that's...shitty but normal(honestly)for me, that's been going on. I don't like hearing that there sorry for me. I don't like to knowing that I made them feel that way.

Here's why. I believe with every convo and every interaction we have with others we leave a piece of ourselves with them and visa versa. You know that feeling you get when your telling a friend about your bad day? It's like laying down after being on your feet all day. It's like placing very heavy bags down after carrying them for blocks. I don't like placing that onto people. Now don't get me wrong I am a listener. I love people talking to me about there problems and there solutions. Because I know talking helps. But I also know that I worry about them and I also know how that feeling of wanting to help but being helpless feels like, and I don't feel comfortable being that burden on others.

But I'm coming to realize that some people are strong enough to handle it. Some people will. And you CAN'T keep it in. You have to get it out. You have to share it.

Campaign for L'atelier de la Petite Dame: The Power of $5

Hello there,

One thing I had to work on while creating this campaign was "perks". These are things that create incentives for people to give. My perks range from $5-$25. So I wanted break it down to see if these perks would help me reach my goal. And here's what I found out:

Why yes I have been called analytical before, but there you have it. If 366 friends gave $5 I can reach my goal!

 

It seems simple enough to me. But I'll put it another way. When I started college I also started drinking coffee, from Starbucks no less. I didn't just get a regular coffee with cream and sugar though. I got a white chocolate mocha with a pump of peppermint and soy milk. I would get a tall or grande depending on how tired I was, but either way I was spending about $4.50- $5.50 everyday! I didn't think this was a problem until one day I sat down and realized I was spending about $50 per week on coffee alone(one cup wasn't always enough). Since then I've stopped drinking coffee, but I know alot of people that drink it, alot. Just the other day my boss came in with a venti sized coffee from Starbucks and only drank half of it.

 

So I would ask this, instead of getting a larger coffee, or instead of getting a second(or third) take that $5 and invest it towards helping me further my dream.

 Don't forget to like and share the campaign page!

 

A la Prochaine!

#28 Day Challenge

"I want to feel like a contender."

I read this post tonight. After reading her story I finally had a word to describe what happened to me. With every paragraph I read I said "I can totally relate". And the more I thought about it, it's happened to me more then I realized before.  I was assaulted.  So I wanted to share my story:

A friend of mine invited me to her friends birthday party in Queens. I said sure, but on the night of I was very tired. I went with her anyway because I said I would. I'd just like to say Queens is dumb far away and there's no point going there on the weekend. We got to the party and I was having an okay time considering I knew no one. I have a rule if I'm not surrounded by friends and very close to home, no hard drinking. So I got a beer and sipped it like it was fine wine.
As the evening went on a couple of guys came in and one in particular caught my attention right away. I was interested. He was interested. We spent some time talking and getting to know each other. He seemed totally fine to me at first sight/convo. But I love watching how people interact with other's when they think your not watching. So I watch how he spoke to my friend, and was very shocked to hear that she liked him, when he was being totally disrespectful. I then notice him refill his cup once, twice, and then again (later I would find out that he had been drinking since earlier in that day). And then he's words started to slur. And then he started to invade my personal space, he wouldn't stop touching me. He start touch me on my arms, then my knees, then my thighs. I kept telling him no and to stop and removing his hand, finally I moved away from him, and he presided to followed me.
At this point I told my friend I was ready to go home because this guy was making me uncomfortable. Before I could tell her what was going on she dismissed it and told me to be nice. I was hurt but I didn't want to make a seen and I knew she was having fun so I tried to be nice....
To make a long story short(er) this guy winds up kissing me full on the mouth. Then followed me out of the party onto a train all the way into Brooklyn.

 After this happened to me I placed all of the blame on myself. I told myself it was my fault because I went out. It was my fault because I didn't leave right away. It was my fault because I showed interest in him. But this isn't the first time where I've been assaulted. And what would warrant being followed home from Manhattan into Brooklyn, the being called a Bitch when I said I wasn't giving out my number.? What would make a guy grab my ass on a crowded train in such a sly way that I wasn't even sure it happened? I can go on, but my point is what I've learned is that no matter what you dress like someone is always going to try and make you feel less. Some one is always going to try and find a way to make it seem like you are asking for it.

And that's where this challenge comes in. I'm 24 and I have never been more then 98lbs. And though I feel like I'm perfect, and gorgeous *whips hair I don't like feeling weak. I may never be able to tear the next fools limbs off his body, but I want to feel like I can do some damage. I want to feel like a contender. So I'm starting small steps to get me there. Step One: 28 days  of working out 3 times per week for 15mins.

I'd love for some company on this journey. I'd also love to here from anyone that can relate to these stories. Mine and hers.

Campaign for L'atelier de la Petite Dame Summer Pop-Up

Hello all,

So if you follow L'atelier de la Petite Dame's FB page then you already know that I was working a fundraiser in preparation of this summers pop-up shop. Well the time is here!! Yesterday the campaign went live. It took alot of planning and even more writing, but I'm very happy with it. This campaign is very important to me and this business. This small step will get me closer to fulling my dreams of becoming self-employed.

I'm trying to raise $1000. $500 goes towards a Pro membership at 3rd Ward, and $500 goes towards classes and material fees. I can't stress how important this campaign is to me. This small step leads me one step closer in following my dreams in becoming self-employed. Here's how you can help: A donation of any value is greatly appreciated! But helping doesn't stop there. After you've donated take another minute and share the campaign with you friends and family. I made a video breaking down how I have 366 friends on Facebook and what it would mean if the donated $5. Don't just share once, statistics show that you have to reach out 7 times before people are moved to act.

Here is a short video describing all there is to know about the campaign:

Go check out the campaign page for more info, and don't forget to donate and share!

A la Prochaine!

Chanel Iman

I remember when Chanel dropped on to the scene. There was a time when I would never miss an America's Next Top Model episode, or the Tyra Banks show. And I def remember her on both shows once. Any ways she's definitely grown up, this picture is beautiful.

Finding Home #4: A Safe Place

When I first started this post it was all about how everybody hates me. I felt abandoned by alot of my close friends. Then I saw something on Instagram stating something along the lines of, " I asked god to get rid of my enemies, and I started losing friends." At that moment all of that hurt went flyng out the window. Now I'm not saying I was surrounded by enemies, but I do believe that not everyone in our lives are meant to stay forever.

There was this passage that I think comes from a Tyler Perry film, comparing friends to different parts of a tree. Some people are like the leaves when the wind blows they disappear. Some people are like the branches of a tree, and can seem safer until you take a step out on to a thin one and it breaks underneath you. But some people are like the roots of a tree. Sturdy and strong, those are the people you should hold on too. Those are the ones you can always count on.

I also think you should be one of those people in your own life that's like a root. In my own experience if I can be a safe place for myself I can be a much better safe place, or root, for others.

Sunday Morning Music: Ciara

 

Who gave that little girl with the fro so much swag?! And where can I get some?

A Note About Writing

I've never felt like I was a writer. I'm a reader and by default I think that makes me a fair writer. I think I have a distinct voice and style. Like every writer I have things that I want to get better at. I have a bad habit of reading what I think is there instead of what's actually there. I can be a horrendous speller, and I've never mastered the whole there vs. their battle. More then once, I've been re-reading a old an old post of mine and have found an error. The last thing(I'm sure I'll find more things later) I want to fix is recently I'm finding my writing to be thin.

So moving forward I'm going to try and attack these problems two ways: first I'm going to write something everyday. second I'm going to start reading slower. I'm a speed reader, always have been...I like to get to the endings as quickly as possible. thirdly I'm going to crack open one of my old college English books. I'm sure I have one that specifically talks about grammar.

If anyone else has any ideas on what I can do to become a better writer leave them in the comments below.

A la Prochaine!

New Project Alert! (...and Free!)

Hi all,

I wanted to tell you guys about a new (and free) project that I'm taking part of. It's called Letters to Your Childhood. Its a project I found out about from stalking the Sketchbook Project. If you guuys remember I tried to do it a couple of years ago but didn't complete it. I've found that smaller projects suite me best. To participate all you have to do is by Jan 22nd, and get them your letter to you yonger self, via tweet or email by the 30th.

So I'm going to do this project and share whatI come up with here, ofcourse. Let me know if any of you sign up as well!

A la Prochaine!

Latelier de la Petite Dame Holiday Pop-Up Shop 2012!

Hello all!

L'atelier de la Petite Dame's Holiday Pop Up has been a success so far. There is just one week left to grab a bracelet or ring hand crafted by me! From now until January 13th enter "bye-baby" at check out to receive 30% off your purchase. There is nothing like the joy, and sense of accomplishment that comes with seeing your dream come to fruition. The start of this new endeavor hasn't been easy, but there is nothing like having your own.

Words can't describe how excited I am about the future of this business! The shop is going away for the rest of the Winter, but will be back in the Spring. Not only will we be back but we will have new product too. I'm also hoping to have a lookbook for the summer!

That's everything for now, as always for daily updates be sure to check in on here and on the FB.

A la prochaine!

Sunday Morning Music: Corinne Bailey Rae